So my updating plan isn't going as well as I'd have hoped, but here it is.

Not much has gone on. Me and Tyler broke up, I'm not upset about it or anything, just the way other people are reacting. It's been a week since we've split and people are still coming up to me (yesterday I had 3) and asking me "Why'd you break up with him? You know he cried, right?" *sighs* Not to sound like a heartless bitch or anything, but, come on. We only dated for three weeks. No serious commitment. I told him that I thought we should be friends, (gently, mind you), and that was that. He said it was cool, he understood, the end. This whole thing makes me feel reduced to the stereotypical high school drama. Ugh.

Anatomy and Physiology is really starting to kick my butt. We just got our new textbooks today (we'd been using college-level books, but I really don't see much difference in them), so I dunno, maybe it'll help. *shrugs* Someone finally woke up and realized that I -did- pass the FCAT last year and that I do not need intensive reading and math classes, so they (guidance office) got me out of there and placed me in Food/Clothing Prep. and Research I. Both are pretty much useless classes. I've taken so many Home Ec./LMS related classes that Food/Clothing is basically just a repeat of those classes. Research is geared towards seniors, the whole class is about signing seniors up for scholorships, things of that nature. So I basically do nothing. I'm going to talk with the guidance-lady (don't even know her name) Mon. to see about getting into some classes that I actually -need-, you know, in order to graduate high school and get into college? *smart alec tone*

*sighs and rubs face* Oi. Mom sat me down a couple of weeks ago and we had "the talk". It was great. Really, I'm serious, it was only a little awkward. The result was her telling me that we'll go visit the doctor sometime soon and get me started on birth control. But she doesn't want me on the kind that makes you have fewer periods... and I do. So we've been on and off arguing about that the past couple of days.

Yay, for having supposed-to-be private talk online!

No, I haven't forgotten about LJ, just been busy. So many concerts so little time! ^.^" Lol, well, now school's started back and my concert-seeing is definitely going to be going down and be replaced with homework and exams and all sort of fun stuff like that. :S

Mer. He's already saying "I love you" and we haven't been dating for a week yet. I take that stuff seriously. By that stuff, I mean saying I love you. I know that a few of you were around when I was still pining over Aaron and I'm over him now, just not the way he had an affect on me... You know what I'm saying? I don't feel anything for him anymore (though I do feel that what I used to feel for him at one time was love, even if it was not reciprocated), but I still get a bit sad, sometimes angry every once in a while when I think back on things between us. When I get angry, it's mostly at myself for allowing myself to let him affect me in such a way. I don't want that to happen again, so I guess I have some trust issues. I hate to sound cliche, but it sucks when you've been hurt really bad and can't seem to function like you think you should in certain situations because of it.

I'm just going to confront Tyler (the boyfriend) and tell him that I'm not comfortable with saying I love you right now. I want to really mean it when I say it. And right now, I know that I don't love him, but I do like him... I like him enough to allow myself to date him when I've pushed others away (others that I've liked in a dating sense) because I was scared of being hurt again. Maybe I should tell him about my trust issues. But I don't want to scare him, have him think he's got some kind of psycho/emo girlfriend. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid...

Well damn it, I have a right to be this way, he is my first "real" boyfriend! *lol* I'm sure he'll understand. I think maybe he's just saying it to please me. If he only knew that I give a little inward grimace every time he says it... *snugs Tyler*

Haven't been on in quite a while... Mom got a laptop and she's placed it right in front of the old computer. She doesn't want me on the laptop and I can't get on the old computer, so therefore I'm not able to access any computer. I don't have Duvall's class anymore either. I'm supposed to be writing an essay on my future career right now in English II, but I just wanted to get on and let you guys know that I'm still alive. Hopefully I'll be albe to work out the computer situation with mom soon...

Yes, yes. I've been very lazy and haven't posted. Shame on me.

Let's see... Saturday was Justin's party, music, food, guys on skateboards, the usual. But then we walk around back and there's one of those huge moonwalk slide things! It was great. I was sore up until today. I got pushed down the slide so many times... especially by Marlin. He pulled my legs out from under me when I was about to go up and I ended up doing a split. It hurt. Later someone landed on my back. That hurt too. I pushed Codey down about twice, I pushed Chase down... I pushed Trent down too... But hey! I had to show the guys that I could hold my own! *crosses arms defensively* It was all good though, I found out that Codey was lactose intolerant too... We couldn't eat birthday cake because it was one of those ice cream cakes. :( But I still had fun.

Sarah (not my Sarah, Joseph's Sarah. lol.) had to leave a bit early. She came back into Joseph's room (where we had all gathered to listen to musica and whatnot) and said to Codey (who happens to be her ex):

"Codey, my dad wants to talk to you."

His eyes got so big. I felt sorry for him. He did not want to go out there and tried to get out of it in so many ways... He never did say what her dad said to him.

I went home with Sarah (my Sarah... or Justin's Sarah I should say. ^_^). We watched Pulp Fiction, or part of it anyway. We missed the beginning and came in about halfway I think. Sarah had seen it before and was talking about how great it was... I didn't know what the heck was going on at first and was confused when it switched from one story to another. I saw John Travolta get shot by Bruce Willis, then saw another part a while later where John was still alive and was like: o_O? "I thought he just died."

It was a somewhat gorey movie. One part involved cleaning brains out of a car. *grimaces* I probably would have liked it a little better if I'd seen it from the beginning... We ended up going to bed at 2:30 am and waking up to my mom on the phone at about 11:00 am. I had to leave because we (the family and I) went to see the movie Eragon. I absolutey love the Inheritance Trilogy and had to see the movie. It was good, I forced myself not to cry when... well, I don't want to spoil it, but know this: I forced myself not to cry. When I read the book I was crying like a baby over this part. I'm not too happy about what they did between Eragon and Arya though, I felt they could have made it more like the book. Arya to me has this indifferent attitude, and in the book they weren't so... friendly? (at least on Arya's part, she was pretty distant) towards one another. Eragon was kinda shy and awkward around her, especially in the first book. But it's a heck of a lot better than what they're doing to the "Blood and Chocolate" novel/soon to be movie. They've (they as in the movie producers/directors/whoever decided to make the movie) changed so many things around the only thing the book and movie have in common really is the characters (even some of them have been changed), the fact that most of the characters are werewolves, the fact that a werewolf girl falls for a human guy, and that's basically it. I'm debating on if it's worth it to go and see the movie or not.

But, yeah, Eragon. Good stuff right there.

Today we went to the mall and I bought Sarah's birthday gift (her b-day was yesterday), it's a cute little skirt. I think she'll like it. I'm a day late on the gift, but through no fault of my own. I had been trying to get mom to take me to the mall to get her something Sunday, but that was a no-can-do, and neither was Monday, so... she'll just get a late b-day present. At least I got to tell her Happy B-day.

My left ring finger is throbbing right now. I can't even type with it. About three minutes ago Dustin slammed my locker shut just as I was opening it, in the process catching my finger. He apologized and kissed it to make it better, but I don't think that's working... it's already turning a bluish-purple where the locker edge came down on it.

No Family Force 5 concert tonight, not for me at least. My mom was saying I could go, then asked me how much money it cost to get in. I was short three dollars and this time it was a bit more expensive than usual (about $24) so she said "no". I found the three dollars I needed in my room and she still said I couldn't go. I've been looking forward to this since the beginning of November, I've just finished a week of exams, scoring high on two of them I know, and she tells me "no". I went off. That was the first time I'd ever got in my mother's face yelling at her. She tried to hit me with a flyswatter and I grabbed it from her, in doing so the metal part hit my wrist, which left a small mark. I pulled one way on it and she pulled the other and we ended up breaking the flyswatter, so she ended up hitting me twice with the metal end on the leg, which left two whelps. I feel weird writing this because I feel like someone is going to think that my mom's abusive or something. Looking back on the whole "flyswatter scene" I find it just a tad bit funny.

Mind you I would not have behaved this way if my father had been home... If I'd have done that to him/around him... well, maybe you all might be invited to my funeral.

Family Force 5 concert tomorrow, yay! Justin's 18th birthday today, yay! Party Saturday, yay! Last day of school (Christmas break) Friday, yay!

Now that I've got that out of my system I think I can continue.

Codey sat beside me at lunch today when there was plenty of room on the other side of the table and we talked about random things, even shared opinions on things such as the tobacco commercial that frequents the television channel Fuse... my favorite channel for music videos. Music = my life.

Apart from exams today was pretty fun. I scored a 94 on my science exam which thrilled me thoroughly because I was just barely passing science by the skin of my teeth last year. Sr. Santomo's Spanish exam however was very time consuming. It wasn't that hard... just time consuming. We have 100 minutes and 300+ questions... no joke. I have to come in tomorrow and finish it. It didn't help that when the class found out that if they didn't get through today that they could finish tomorrow, they started to talk, play with phones, throw paper across the room, etc. There were a handful of us trying to take our exam and get it over with. I got through with most of it so I won't have that much to do tomorrow. My fingers hurt from all the writing.

Today was very hot. Not like December at all, more like late September/early October. Wish I'd have worn a short sleeved shirt...

I'm a bit mad at the moment. Exams are this week and the only one I had to take was Duvall's which lasted 6th and 7th period. Break is usually in between that time, so today it was directly after 5th. Well, break goes on as usual, Sarah got hit twice with the frisbee (I don't care how old you are, frisbee is the shiz), and then we hear an announcement saying that break is over and it's time to report to our classes to take exams. When I get there there are already people in there on the computers (it's a computer applications class) and no one will let me, David or this other girl in the classroom, they just pretend we're not even there! David then proceeds to bang on the door and yell "Let me in!" (Not exactly the brightest thing to do, but it got us results...) Mr. Duvall came to the door and in a pissed tone says:

"Go back to wherever you were wasting your time, you're already five minutes late. If you are that irresponsible...." Can't remember what else he said, but yeah, basically he was saying that we couldn't come in to take the exam.

I tried to explain to him how we had just heard the announcement not even a minute ago, he insisted it was at least five minutes ago, but let us in.

I got to take the exam and I guess everything's okay...


*On a lighter note!* Justin's 18th b-day party is Sat. He said we were all just going to sit around the fire and talk and eat and stuff like that, but knowing Chase, Christian, and Joseph, there's definately going to be more to it than that.

I feel like shit right now. Yesterday had been great, even though I went to the dentists'. When I got home my sisters wanted me to drive them to our grandmother's house and I did because I had wanted to talk to her about a few things and just visit with her. We (my general family, my aunt and uncle, and my grandmother and uncle) are all neighbors and we live on farmland, so we have this road going through the fields. Our dogs always follow us whenever we go through the fields, it's just always been one of those routine things. We don't have a fenced-in yard and the only pen we do have can only hold one of the smaller dogs.

So, we get there and Nana (grandmother's nickname) isn't there, the dogs run under the house and chase her cat into the woods and up a tree. It takes a little over five minutes to get them to start to follow me home. As I mentioned before these are bumpy field roads so you can't comfortably drive over about 7 mph.

We're halfway through the first field, not even halfway home yet and I ran over my dog. She must have ran right under the truck, because the front half of the truck completely missed her. I didn't really know what had happened at first, but I knew something was wrong. I got her home as fast as I could, I must have been going about 25 mph, I was dodging the bad bumps and trying to find the easiest spot to cross the not-so-bad ones. When we got at home I jumped in the back of the truck where my two sisters had been watching her at (they ran inside and got my mother) and I just broke down. My mother came out and stood there, I yelled for her to do something, to take her to the animal hospital, and she said that it was too late. Within seconds my little dog was gone.

The party turned out great. Here's a list of people who went (I'm sure you guys don't really care, but I'm doing this so that I'll remember... yeah, I'm weird like that.)

Brittiany
Allison
Katie
Robin
Justin N., Justin R. came halfway through and only stayed for about two minutes.
Marlin- came and left with Justin.
Chase- came and left with Justin.
Amber R.
Sarah C.
Sarah D.
Ashley
Ethan
Stacey
Kayla
Amber K.
Cody O.
Jessie
B.J.
Allan
Some kid.
Kenny
Jamie
Chris

Then there was the guys in the band. Preston, Codey (just realized his name was spelled with an "e" in it), Joseph, Paul, and Christian.

They play pretty good, all of the amps were turned all of the way up so every instrument was screaming at your ears... that's something they need to work on, maybe doing sound-checks instead of skating before the party. Codey sang for only a couple of songs because he wasn't too happy about his voice apparently. He sounded O.K., needs a little work, but he sounded O.K.-- he's got potential. *lol* I feel like some psychiatrist or something. "He's got potential..." Anyway, They played some of their stuff and then played "Unholy Confessions" by Avenged Sevenfold followed by "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (I was determined not to cry. Every time I hear that song it makes me want to cry, it's such a sweet song. Not sad, just... sweet.) Then they played "Face Down" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and that happens to be my favorite song by them so I got all happy and bouncy again. Then Brittiany realized she lost her mom's cell phone so we went looking in Christian's yard for that. It fell out while she was riding the 4-wheeler. It was dark and the only light we had was my cell phone light. We didn't find it.

Speaking about the 4-wheeler. I knew something bad was going to happen. You just don't go about riding 4-wheelers in the dark when the lights don't work. Right when I had gotten there I heard a crack! Turns out Jessie and B.J. had hit a tree. They weren't hurt, they were laughing and got right back on it. Later though Kayla and Amber K. were riding it and they were going too fast (but then again -everyone- was. @_@), went over a hill, the 4-wheeler came up off the ground and flipped. It didn't land on them, but Kayla hurt her hip and Amber busted her lip. She passed out for a minute or so, but she said it was because she hadn't eaten anything all day. Today they were both at school, Kayla's got a huge purple bruise and Amber looks fine.

It was pretty cold so we built a fire, Codey peed on it (last time it was Chase that peed on the fire). By then a few people had gone home. Me and Sarah went and walked in the woods and talked about how bad it would suck if such and such happened, then decided we would walk back in complete darkness. It was fun. When we got back we put in Family Force 5 and the cops came by. I saw the cop car pull up and was like: O.O "Oh fuck!"

Turns out it was just a noise complaint. ^_^ So there was no more loud music, just semi-loud music. :)

I just noticed this: I seem to have bad luck with skirts.

-That ungraceful episode with Jordan that I posted about sometime ago.

-Floyd's Music Store for the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert. Me and Sarah ran to McDonalds across the street to go pee (yeah, I just woke up five minutes ago, I'm not too worried about modesty/manners right now, but then again I don't seem to ever be.) and I'm 90% sure half the people in line saw my rear. Friggen cars.

-My dream. I'm -definately- wearing leggings. I told Jessie about it and he told me that he was going to pants me (again! He's the one who pants..ed(?) me in Mr. Graham's class... Graham saw my panties. *laughs* He was more embarrased than I was.) so I will definately be wearing leggings because Jessie probably will do something like that and it's supposed to be kinda cold. (It's been relatively warm lately, not December/Novemberish at all.)

Today was and wasn't great. I had some really weird dreams last night.... I'll start with those. First dream was about the upcoming party at Christians house.

We all decided to go into the woods like the last time, Sarah was walking just ahead of me, I couldn't tell who was up ahead of us or farther behind us. Cody, Joseph, and Preston were right behind us though. All of a sudden so many things happen at once: I start to trip on a root, I grab for Sarah to keep from falling, a tree branch catches my skirt. I can't reach Sarah, but I don't fall. Instead the tree branch makes my skirt go upwards and Sarah (who had turned around by then), Cody, Joseph, and Preston were laughing at me. I was mortified.

Yeah, I told them about it today at break and they laughed at me then too. I blushed. That kind of stuff is embarrassing! When I go, I'm wearing leggings so that kind of thing doesn't happen. *nods*

The other dreams was -really- weird. It was about my ex-aunt. She invited me over to her house then wanted me to clean it. I told her "no" and she started to flip out. I told her I was leaving and she took my brother (I had brought him along) into another room and tied him to the leg of a table with what looked like dental floss or some kind of little string and said that we couldn't leave. I cut the string and got my brother and was about to walk out of the door, but then I woke up.

I went back to sleep and woke up at 3:41 am and decided to curl my hair with rollers. It looked great until I walked outside. Damn humid weather. It fell before school even started, but I came prepared: I brought a hair scrunchie and my hair has been in a messy ponytail all day long. It's just great. :)

I just tried to talk to my mom, you know, have a bit of casual conversation. Something where we aren't yelling at each other. I thought I'd tell her how my music taste is expanding, I tried to show her some of John Mayer's stuff because it's something that I'm really starting to like and something I thought that she'd enjoy too. Apparently not. She got really aggitated and stormed off into the back of the house. It's not like I was forcing her to listen. She didn't have to get so aggitated, I -do- have feelings. Right now they're a bit hurt.

I've come to the conclusion that the only reason Aaron was ever interested in me in the first place was because he wanted to get into my pants. I'm completely serious in thinking this, but I'm able to look on it with a humorous eye. Why? Because he didn't get into my pants, that's why. I was a good girl, that's why. I believe I'm finally getting over him, that's why. After three years I'm finally beginning to see the light. I've felt this way for maybe a week, maybe a little more. It feels wierd because I was so used to having feelings for him, so used to feeling lonely and sad, and now that I'm getting over that I feel kind of lost... but in a good way?

I feel so much lighter in spirit.

Not to mention I think I like this guy at school. I don't want to go plunging into another heartache, but he's funny and he seems sweet. And he's my age, at least that'll please my parents... I think. He's fresh out of a relationship himself, so... I dunno. Time will tell.

Poor Justin. Sarah hurt him in the... "penanay"** area today. He was leaning over the handicap ramp, talking to Marlin, and Sarah came up behind him and pushed him forwards with her rear. Next thing I know is this:

Justin: *anguished face/tone and leaning down* "OH! OH! God Sarah! I hope you didn't plan on having kids!"

We were all laughing (Yeah I know, some friends we are, right?)-- Sarah included. While Sarah was laughing she was trying to comfort him and was apologizing in between breaths.

During 6th period me, Justin, Charla, Nicole, and Jesse played Egyptian Rat Screw and I completely sucked at that game... I fail at all card games, really.

Oi, what a day.


**- Penanay- The male reproductive organ.
Vajajay- The female version of the above.

Childish, you say? Psh! ... Just psh! It's funny, it makes me and my friends laugh and if it's childish, then so be it. *folds arms across chest and nods*


On a side note... well, I'm just going to make a new post.

*laughs* Hmm, interesting.

Set Perfectionist, prone to anger or irrationality. Aspects of Duality. Colors: male: turquoise, female: black Compatible Signs: Geb, The Nile Dates: May 28 - Jun 18, Sep 28 - Oct 2 Role: God of chaos, evil, the desert, war, violence, conflict, and sandstorms Appearance: Form of a man, with the head of an unidentified donkey-like animal. He was sometimes seen as a pig or a hippo. Sacred animal: the mythical "Set animal" What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

Well, Monday was quite awesome. I went to Floyd's with Sarah, Scarlett (her sister), and Jessie. The first band blew my mind and rocked my socks. Their name is Madina Lake and they are from Chicago. They had the most interaction with the crowd out of all the bands that night. There were four hugemongous (don't you just love my large and intellectual vocabulary?) balloons filled with confetti that got tossed around the crowd, busted, and then we had a brief confetti shower. Seeing as the staff were having problems keeping people from jumping onstage at the last few shows they installed a fence barrier to keep the crowd a couple of feet away from the stage. The guitarist for Madina Lake stood halfway on that barrier, halfway on the stage right before jumping into... or onto the crowd. I held up his leg!!! ... Sorry, that was the first time anyone had ever stage-dived while I was there. The vocalist stage-dived, swung from the rafters then flipped and crowd-surfed. The next band, Lorene Drive, was pretty good. I had heard one of their songs before, it was "A Song In The Key Of Sex". It was quite comical watching the vocalist... dance? He looked kind of like he had a limp and he would pivot around on one foot, and you just had to be there to know what I'm talking about I guess. Their guitarist was pretty hot. ^_^ Sarah tried to get his attention by yelling out odd things, to quote a few:

"I love your guitar!"
"I love you twice!"
"HEY YOU!"

He looked up briefly at "I love your guitar!"

The drummer from The Audition came out in blue briefs and red short-shorts... yeah... O_o I don't really remember much about the rest of the band. After them Red Jumpsuit Apparatus came out (the band I went there for... even though I only knew one of their songs). The vocalist was really hot. He stage-dived and walked on the crowd, I've got a picture of him doing that. I will upload my pictures as soon as I buy the software for my camera and a connector-cord-thingy, I think it's called a USB cord, I'm not sure though. (my head still hurts from yesterday) The camera was my dad's company camera, but his boss didn't like it and said that he could have it and that she would get him another one to use, so my dad gave it to me since I had been dying to have a digital camera. The only thing is, is that it doesn't have a memory card (I can still take up to 15 pictures) or a cord to plug into the computer so I can upload my pictures. Yeah... I need to get that stuff.


Tuesday was pretty uneventful. Yesterday I woke up with a headache, took my Topamax, and went on with the Thanksgiving holiday. We (my family and I) went to my aunt's for lunch, came home, I took some Ibuprofen and a short nap. It only lasted about fifteen minutes. *growls at younger siblings* We then went to my great-grandparents for supper, I ate a very small supper as I was still partialy full from lunch, then I layed down until it was time to go. Once home I felt like I was about to puke (not from eating, from the pain in my head) so I took a muscle relaxer and went to bed with a cold bathrag on my forehead. :) I didn't wake up util 1 something today... but I still had the headache. I still have the headache.

I think it's time for another muscle relaxer... Goodnight all.

Invalid video URL.

Well damn, it didn't work. Ah well.

I love this site, even though the codes haven't worked anywhere I've been posting them, it's nice to find music that I don't have to buy in order to hear it. As for this particular song, I'm not sure if I like Marilyn Manson's version or the original version better. I can't remember who sings the original version, but I remember the music video of it! That guy had really pretty eyes and hair. I'd sex him. :D His dancing skills on the other hand.... they made me happy, but if I were him I wouldn't brag about them. I want to look up pictures on Google of that guy now.

Search: "You Spin Me Round Guy"


Oh yeah, the bad weather passed, it's still raining, but we had some really bad wind for a while. There was some thunder and lightning as well, but it's pretty much over with. Not nearly as bad as I thought.... still haven't brought up the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert to my parents. :S

We passed out the yearbooks today, that was a bit of a hassle. I kept having to lean over Rachel to get to the books, I even hit her in the chin on accident, but other than that everything went well. There's a good bit of nasty weather on the way.

!!!NEWS FLASH!!! Red Jumpsuit Apparatus will be playing at Floyd's Music Store Monday Nov. 20th! *waves arms excitedly and jumps up and down squeeing* They're going to be playing with... *checks other window* The Audition, Madina Lake, and Lorene Drive... basically three bands I've never heard of. But I'd never heard of Family Force 5 (except bits and pieces about them from Justin) until I went to see Socialburn and look at me now-- I'm addicted to them. *I'm just a Love Addict, Love Addict, hey!* I hope I'll be able to go, after all, we're off for Thanksgiving break, so it's not like I have to worry about missing any sleep for school and such. I wonder if anyone else is going? I don't want to go alone. I know Justin won't be going, he's going to the mountains for a family vacation.... Hmm, I wish I had known about this sooner.

Today was a good day...

The yearbooks from last year finally came in an Holy crizzap! My eye is on the cover! ... Well, so is everyone elses... but still! It made just a teensy bit sad looking at the people that graduated, Aaron being one of them, but then I got to my grade and looked at Chase's picture and laughed and got happy again. He looks like a little puppy dog.

During Santomo's class we went into the courtyard for Maria's (some girl I don't know, but I was sure to congradulate her before getting any food/drink) wedding shower. She's my age, maybe a year older, and she's getting married and moving away soon. It made me glad in my decision not to marry (any time soon at least), I would be incredibly sad marrying at such a young age, it's hard enough making it in the world on your own, but marrying (the cost of a wedding, a house for you and your husband, etc.) has got to be tough. But anyways we had fun. Sarah wasn't too happy, I don't know what was wrong with her, I think it's got to do with Justin, maybe she'll call later, but she didn't want to talk about it then. I hate seeing my friends unhappy.

April stuck a bajillion pieces of ice down my shirt (really only two made it down... not that you guys care, I'm sure *lol* :D) but I got her back. I stuck an ice cube down her shirt and it ended up coming out of her pants leg. I got gum on my shoe which wasn't that great, then I got to see Jamie. Jamie graduate last year and I haven't seen him since the last day of school last year. He looks great, he's lost a lot of weight, he's all clean-cut. He's doing a lot of travelling now that he's in the National Guard.

Today was a good day, but I felt strangely distant from it all (expect for the ice cube incident), I'm beginning to wish really hard that there was an off switch for this. I'm beginning to feel angered (at myself, not at him, it's not his fault I still have feelings for him) because I -still- feel this way. As the days go by I lose a little more hope of us ever becoming "us". And it's a slow, bleeding process, it hurts so bad I want to cry, but I can't cry anymore. Everytime I think about him, I always end up feeling sad. I'm tired of being sad. I want to be happy. And I'm sorry that you guys have to read about my woes in almost every post, but this is all-but consuming me. Last night in the shower I thought about cutting again, but I didn't.

My principal is on the intercom as I'm typing talking about us students "cleaning up our act". She's sent our assisstant principal to Walmart to get belts and tape as a method of keeping baggy pants at bay. "Even if your pants have to be up to your elbows, the crotch of your pants are going to be where they're supposed to be." Oi. She addressed the excessive cleavage that the girls are showing (psh, I'm innocent, I swear!), and the food-in-the-building rule. @_@ This school... I can't wait to get out of it, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss it.

Suprise, suprise. Aaron came by today. It was during 5th period (yearbook. We hardly do anything in there and when we do, it's not like the work is something that's... actual "work".) I'd forgot to have some money handy to buy a ticket, but I told him Happy B-day and we talked... not one-on-one, but it was still nice. -Almost- like the old days, but not quite.... Wait, no, not really. I guess it can never be like the old days, but maybe it can be something close, something more? Maybe I need to just shut the hell up and get on with my life. But like Sara said "there's no switch to flip to turn it on or off" though I'm really wishing there was right now. I wish we could just be friends.